December 15

 Only 7 shopping days left until the end of the world.  At least the seventh season of Futurama came out on DVD before the big calamity.

December 14

 Only 8 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Sign up now for TCNN – the Town Crier News Network!  In return for a place to sleep and a few meals, a professional news reporter will stand outside of your cave and announce breaking news.  I understand that Anderson Cooper is still available.

December 13

 Only 9 shopping days left until the end of the world.  It is not too late to join the Army.  They’ll give you a place to sleep, plenty of MREs (meals-ready-to-eat) and weapons.  Who could ask for more.

December 11

 Only 11 shopping days until the end of the world.  Contrary to what you may have read in the popular press (bleedingcool.com), tomorrow is not the end of the world.  The Mayans predicted this day centuries before Pope Gregory determined that next week Saturday would be the last day on Earth.

December 10

 Only 12 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Those Mayans were crafty.  They knew that the premiere of the Hobbit movie would cause those once-gentle halflings to rise up from their hiding places and demonstrate their displeasure with the film with a worldwide campaign of murder and destruction.  Or not.

December 9

Only 13 shopping days left until the end of the world. Hook up an electrical generator to your exercise bicycle.  Then you can use the microwave to make a batch of loaded nachos.

December 8

 Only 14 shopping days left until the end of the world.  I just realized that with you ladies hanging your laundry outside to dry, it will be a lot easier to add to my lacy underwear collection.