June 30

 Only 174 shopping days left until the end of the world.  In case of alien mind probes, wear aluminum foil inside your hat.  In case of any other alien probing, wear Kevlar underwear.

June 29

 Only 175 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Don’t concern yourself with where in the country you should spend the apocalypse.  If the North and South Poles shift, who knows what kind of climate you’ll be living under.  It will be like Homestead Roulette.

June 28

 Only 176 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Hey, coffee drinkers, ever enjoyed coffee boiled over a open flame.  I have.  I’m switching to tea.

June 27

 Only 177 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If your elderly family members are missing some morning, check the remains of your nearest McDonalds.  Old habits die hard.

June 26

 Only 178 shopping days left until the end of the world.  I don’t care if you live in Denver, Colorado or in Death Valley, it might be a good idea to invest in a boat.

June 25

 Only 179 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you urinate regulary around the entrance to your shelter, you will keep unwanted small vermin and insects away.  It will also discourage visits from your neighbors.

June 24

 Only 180 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Please ignore yesterday’s message.  April Fools!

June 23

 Only 181 shopping days left until the end of the world.  [TO BE ENCODED]  Those of you with the blue tickets for the government’s space ark must report to Remington, New Mexico on July 19^th.  This will be your only notice. [END ENCODING]

June 22

 Only 182 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Can ‘t live without your sweets?  Get a bee hive!  (And somebody stupid enough to harvest your honey.)

June 21

 Only 183 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Don’t fall for that solar-powered insect control system that is advertised on late night television.  What you get is a 6-inch magnifying glass.

June 20

 Only 184 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Think bigamy.  The average post-Armageddon household should have a hunter, butcher, carpenter/mason, horticulturist and nurse. 

June 19

 Only 185 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Start hitting the garage sales.  Look for Lego building blocks.  Some guy in Sweden built a 3-story house.

June 18

 Only 186 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you get a dog, you will have an early warning security system for your cave.  If the dog starts to bark, you know that something is moving toward you.  When the dog stops barking, you know that it is close.

June 17

 Only 187 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Scientists have discovered that the propensity for Americans to be overweight has thrown the planet off its axis.  So to avert tragedy, everybody order the Brazillian Butt Lift today!

June 16

 Only 188 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you are a late sleeper, don’t move into an abandoned shopping mall.  Those elderly mall walkers show up early and might expect you to make coffee.

June 15

 Only 189 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Better get a portable toilet.  In the dogs take over, guess who will be pooping outside.

June 14

 Only 190 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Go to a dental supply company and buy some of those lead vests that the dental assistants wear while you get an x-ray.  Make them into a suit.  In case of nuclear holocaust, wear the suit and you will survive, along with all of those dental assistants.

June 13

 Only 191 shoppiing days left until the end of the world.  Now would be a great time to join a book or DVD club.  Get all the free ones now with no need to buy more later.

June 12

 Only 192 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you think you will want to liven up your dreary cave walls, pick up some Super-Gloss latex stone wall paint.  Just light a small fire and your cave will be dazzling.

June 11

 Only 193 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Remember, capri pants won’t help in a flash flood.

June 10

 Only 194 shopping days left until the end of the world.  I hope you have been watching that cable TV show about surviving after the catastrophe:  Moonshiners.

June 9

 Only 195 shopping days left until the end of the world.  You are going to need some kind of spray repellent for giant mutant mosquitos.  Yeah, I haven’t seen it in any stores, either.

June 8

 Only 196 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Ladies, stock up on canned pineapple juice.  If you don’t know why, you probably don’t need it.

June 7

 Only 197 shopping days left tunil the end of the world.  Register to vote!  Just because the world is coming to and end, there is no excuse for political apathy.

June 6

 Only 198 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Retailers are now offering post-disaster tanning beds.  We used to call them beach towels.

June 5

 Only 199 shopping days left until the end of the world.  All of you former Boy and Girl Scouts, brush up on your semaphore skills.  Think of it as phoneless texting.

June 4

 Only 200 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Good news!  We may be able to prevent the cataclysm.  My friend, Nostradamus Murphy, an oracle and part-time security guard, claims that the concentration of negative energy in our atmosphere can be offset by a greater outpouring of positive energy.  This could be achieved if millions of people around the world were to visit this blog on a daily basis (what a coincidence!).  So tells your friends and neighbors, your co-workers and families, and especially the homeless who access the internet at the public library.  Read a blog, save a world.

June 3

 Only 201 shopping days left until the end of the world.  As you stockpile your food for next year, for the love of God, throw away the anchovies!

June 2

Only 202 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Another suggestion for your post-apocalyptic playlist:  Don’t Fear the Reaper by the thinking-man’s heavy metal band, the Blue Oyster Cult.

June 1

Only 203 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Tops on your survival list should be a little pot and something to cook in.