September 10

 Only 103 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Do you still have your old flip phone?  It will make an excellend boomerang to bring down some tasty robins and starlings.

September 9

Only 104 shopping days left until the end of the world.  There is still time to plan for the good life.  If you have your post-disaster hovel picked out, start looking for a summer seaside cave.

September 8

 Only 105 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Have you seen all of the no-money-down car deals? Do I have to spell it out?

September 7

 Only 106 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Have you been saving your used cooking oil?  If so, you can make your own biodiesel fuel.  Don’t ask me how, it’s probably on the internet.

September 6

 Only 107 shopping days left until the end of the world.  For your post-apocalyptical playlist: If I Could Turn Back Time by the incomparable Cher.

September 5

 Only 108 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Attention Apocalyple Soon fans;  Boycott The NBC television program, the Revolution!  They are stealing all of our stuff.

September 4

 Only 109 shopping days left until the end of the world.  In case of zombie attack; conventional wisdom is to destroy the head or separate it from the body.  I prefer to shoot off a leg.  I like to watch them crawl around in a circle.

September 3

 Only 110 shopping days left until the end of the world.  On a recent episode of Family Feud:  What do you think you will miss most? 
5 – McDonalds
4 – Hot Pockets
3 – Washing machines
2 – Cars
1 – Toilet paper.

September 2

 Only 111 shopping days left until the end of the world.  In case of alien invasion:  Stock up on analgenics for post-probe discomfort.

September 1

 Only 112 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Buy a slingshot.  You will run out of bullets, but there will always be plenty of rocks laying around.  (or it is lying?) (or lieing?)

August 31

 Only 113 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Attention college football fans.  This will be your last chance to see your beloved ____________ defeat the hated ____________.  Make it count, boys.

August 30

 Only 114 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Another selection for your post- disaster playlist:  The Twelfth of Never by Johnny Mathis.

August 29

 Only 115 shopping days left until the end of the world.  As we enter hunting season, it would be a good idea to get some practice in.  Just remember, the animals don’t wear orange.

August 28

 Only 116 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Today’s poll question:  What will you miss more?  MSNBC or Fox News.

August 27

 Only 117 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Today’s poll question:  What would you rather hoard?  Food or toilet paper.

August 26

 Only 118 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Everyone thought the “cat lady” was crazy, but she won’t go hungry, will she?

August 25

Only 119 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If might be a good idea to learn how to cook . . . something.

August 24

 Only 120 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Don’t bother picking up a copy of the 2013 Farmers Almanac.  But if you can find a copy of the Mayan Almanac, grab it.

August 23

 Only 121 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Make sure that your cave has an mailbox approved my the United States Postal Service.  You don’t want to miss out on your weekly coupons.

August 22

 Only 122 shopping days left until the end of the world.  In order to survive, it is time to start making some difficult decisions.  Can Grandma still make her famous chicken soup?  If not, kick her to the curb.