July 31

 Only 144 shopping days until the end of the world.  In case of walking mutant crabgrass, a 55-gallon drum of Roundup would be a good idea.

July 30

 Only 145 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Have you got Olympic Fever?  Start training nor for the 2016 Decathalon.  1 – Running from big things.  2 – Jumping for obstacales. 3 – Running and jumping. 4 – Climbing trees.  5 – Homemade archery.  6 – Swimming from big fish.  7 – Throwing rocks.  8 – Fire starting.  9 – Stick fighting.  10 – Rythmic gymnastics.

July 29

 Only 146 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Get a bow and some arrows and practice.  If a legally blind athlete can compete in the Olympics, then you can probably hit a giant mutant squirrel.  Good eatin’

July 28

 Only 147 shopping days left until the end of the world.  For your post-disaster playlist:  The Last Waltz by the Band and friends.

July 27

 Only 148 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Arriving in stores just in time for your Post-graduate seminars in survival training, the DVD collection of the Flintstones.  Who knew that Hanna and Barbera were such visionaries?

July 25

 Only 150 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you don’t have a cow, eliminate the middleman.  Put grass on your morning cereal.

July 24

 Only 151 shopping days left until the end of the world.  In case of flood, if you see someone building a big boat, ask him or her to please leave the cockroaches behind.

July 24

 Only 152 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Post-Disaster Career Tip:  Ethanol production and distribution.  All you need is corn, sugar beets, water and a distilling apparatus. And a big stock Dodge (Johnson County Sheriff painted on the side.)

July 22

 Only 153 shopping days left until the end of the world.  In case of alien invasion, burn all copies of Grey’s Anatomy.  We don’t want the aliens to know where our hearts are.  The TEXTBOOKS!  Not the DVDs.  Although, we don’t want them to steal our national treasure, Sandra Oh.

July 21

 Only 153 shopping days left until the end of the world.  For your post-disaster playlist:  The Last Resort by the Eagles.

July 20

 Only 154 shopping days left until the end of the world.  It’s garage sale season.  Now it the time to pick up books cheap.  Set two books on fire and you can cook an entire pot of beans.  (And if it’s a Stephen King book, you only need one.)

July 19

 Only 155 shopping days left until the end of the world.  It’s garage sale season.  Sorry, music lovers, it’s time to get rid of your records and CDs.  Let’s hope you can make your iPod run on static electricity.  (Private note to Greg:  For the last time, those 8-tracks are not going to make a comeback.)

July 18

 Only 156 shopping days left until the end of the world.  It’s garage sale season.  Time to trade in your formal wear for some foul-weather gear.  Sorry, kids.  No more cotillions.

July 17

 Only 157 shopping days left until the end of the world.  It’s garage sale season.  Sell you artwork.  You don’t want your Picassos and your Pollocks in your hovel.  Just remember, nodody is buying those paintings of the kids with big eyes or of the dogs playing poker.

July 16

 Only 158 shopping days left until the end of the world.  It’s garage sale season!  Time to unload unnecessary items like TVs, stereos, electric can openers to buy canned food and manual can openers.

July 15

 Only 159 shopping days left until the end of the world.  For all you college students:  Unless you are graduating before December, take your last tuition payment and have some end-of-the-world fun.  (Except for my nephews.  Stay in school, boys.)

July 14

 Only 160 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Post-Disaster Playlist:  “In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans.

July 13

 Only 161 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Sorry, no entry on Friday the Thirteenth.  I spend the day under the bed.

July 12

 Only 162 shopping days left until the end of the world.  You might want to squirrel awau some extra shoes. I recommend New Balance.* 

*Dr. MacArthur is not a paid spokesman for New Balance, but he would really like to be one before the end of the year.

July 11

July 11 – Only 163 shopping days left until the end of the world.  It’s not to late to attend the last San Diego Comic Con.  You won’t have anywhere to wear your homemade Iron Man costume next year.

July 10

 Only 164 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Need a short-term job?  Want to be your own boss?  Become a football bet solicitor (bookie).  If you only accept bets on the Super Bowl, you won’t have to pay anybody back.

July 9

 Only 165 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Travel Tip:  move to Kentucky.  There will be horses to ride, tobacco to smoke, and all that bourbon stored in the aging barrels.

July 8

 Only 166 shopping days left until the end of the world.  More good news!  When California slides into the ocean, it will take most of those pesky Scientologists with it.

July 7

 Only 167 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Good news!  The Rolling Stones will probably still be touring well into the post-apocalyptic age.  If the drugs didn’t kill them, what’s a little natural disaster going to do.

July 6

 Only 168 shopping days left until the end of the world.  Here’s your post-disaster recommended food groups:  Plants, Animals that you can catch, and Animals that can catch you.  Plan accordingly.

July 5

 Only 169 shopping days left until the end of the world.  I don’t know about you, but I do pray to God.  I am also praying to that thing in the French/Swiss supercollider.  Can’t hurt to hedge my bets.

July 4

July 4 – Only 170 shopping days left until the end of the world.  So, you like fireworks.  Just wait until the solar flares start.  They will look awesome for the first 92 million miles.

July 3

 Only 171 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you think it is hot now . . . Just wait until the super-volcanos start acting up.  Get extra aloe vera.

July 2

 Only 172 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you find yourself in need of building supplies, you will probably wish you had kept those holiday fruitcakes.

July 1

 Only 173 shopping days left until the end of the world.  If you see a group of “people” shuffling around your hovel, grunting and moaning, don’t just assume they are zombies.   They might be your in-laws.  On second thought, shoot first, check IDs later.