March 25

Only 271 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Final Four; The Number Five seed, Widespread Zombieism, faces the Number Six seed, Alien Invasion. Yesterday’s winner: Magnetic Pole Shift.

The Center will be closed for the holidays. The report on the championship game will be posted on April 1st. No Foolin’!

March 24

Only 272 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Final Four; The Number One seed, Magnetic Pole Shift, faces the Number Seven seed, Drought. Yesterday’s winner: Widespread Zombieism.

March 23

Only 273 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament round of eight; The Number Four seed, Global Floods, faces the Number Five Seed, Widespread Zombieism.
Yesterday’s winner: Alien Invasion.

March 22

Only 274 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament round of eight; The Number Three seed, Worldwide Eqrthquakes, faces the Number Six, Seed, Alien Invasion.
Yesterday’s winner: Drought.

March 21

Only 275 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament round of eight; The Number Two Seed, Meteor Strike, faces the Number Seven Seed, Drought.
Yesterday’s winner: Magnetic Pole Shift.

March 20

Only 276 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament round of eight; The Number One Seed, Magnetic Pole Shift, faces the Number Nine seed, Nine Seed, Abby from NCIS Contaminated the Human DNA.
Yesterday’s winner: Nine Seed, Abby from NCIS Contaminated the Human DNA.

March 19

Only 277 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Round of Sixteen, the Number Eight Seed, The Plague. faces off against the Number Nine Seed, Abby from NCIS Contaminated the Human DNA.
Yesterday’s Winner: Drought.

March 18

Only 278 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Round of Sixteen, the Number Seven Seed, Drought, faces off against the Number Ten Seed, The World Wrestling Entertainment Cable Channel begins. Yesterday’s winner: Alien Invasion.

March 17

Only 279 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Round of Sixteen, the Number Six Seed, Alien Invasion, Faces off against the Number Eleven Seed, Windows Salitare Crashes. Yesterday’s Winners: Zues Releases the Kraken.

March 16

Only 280 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Round of Sixteen, the Number Five Seed, Widespread Zombieism, faces off against the Number Twelve Seed, Zeus Releases the Kraken. Yesterday’s winner: Global Floods.

March 15

Only 281 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Round of Sixteen, the Number Four seed, Global Floods, faces off against the Number Thriteen Seed, Fluoride Saturation of the Water Supply. Yesterday’s winner: Worldwide Earthquakers.

March 14

Only 282 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Round of Sixteen, the Number 3 seed, Worldwide Earthquakes, faces off against the Number Fourteen seed, Apple™ Devices Take Over the World. Yesterday’s winner: Meteor Strike.

March 13

Only 283 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament Round of Sixteen, Number two seed, Meteor Strike, faces off against the number fifteen seed, Atlantis Rises. Yesterday’s winner: 1. Magnetic Pole Shift.

March 12

Only 284 shopping days left until the end of the world. In the Doomsday Tournament round of sixteen: Number 1 seed; Magnetic pole shift faces number 16 seed; Locusts. Results tomorrow.

March 11

Only 285 shopping days left until the end of the word. Don’t throw away the owner’s manual for your new sundial. You will never remember how to set it forward one hour next year.

March 10

Only 286 shopping days left until the end of the world. New from Apple! A static-electricity battery charger. Make sure to spring for the optional shag carpet and doorknob attachments.

March 9

Only 287 shopping days left until the end of the world. Better stock up on waterless hand cleaner. After you skin and debone a squirrel with your bare hands, , plain water might not be enou

March 8

Only 288 shopping days left until the end of the world. Want to protect your food stores? Put the canned okra out in front.

March 7

Only 289 shopping days left until the end of the world. After consulting the Mayan calendar, we have discovered that they predicted that Peyton Manning will the the quarterback of the Miami Dolphins.

March 6

Only 290 shopping days left until the end of the world. Start a corn crop this spring. Harvest it in the fall and store it to provide plenty of food. Or distill it down to corn whilsey and provide a few hangovers.

March 5

Only 291 shopping days left until the end of the world. If you win the big lottery prize, take the cash payout.

March 4

Only 292 shopping days left until the end of the world. Subject to headaches? Stockpile aspirin. Heartburn? Get antacids. Constipation? Hell, just move next to a drug store.

March 3

Only 293 shopping days left until the end of the world. Recipe for surf and turf. One can or sardines, one can of Vienna sausages, heat over open fire, season to taste.

March 2

Only 294 shopping days left ultin the end of the world. If your ragtag band of survivors decides to hold a Jeopardy tournament, Contact me. I do a spot-on Alex Trebek.

March 1

Only 295 shopping days left until the end of the world. Be alert! Seth McFarland has been travelling the country, drawing Family Guy episodes on abandoned bomb shelter walls.

February 29

Only 296 shopping days left until the end of the world. Cheer up! Al least Google wont be able to track your internet movements any more.

February 28

Only 297 shopping days left until the end of the world. Scientists say that the earth’s north and south magnetic poles may switch places. Remember to turn your batteries around.